Wine Glass

This summer will mark 24 years of marriage for my wife and I. We hadn’t been dating very long when  she told me her primary rule: Love me, love my kids. Her children were 8 and 4 at the time, and it was clear that if we were going to continue a relationship, I would be expected to treat these children as though they were my own.

Now some people interpret that to mean they need to figure out how to befriend the kids, how to make them like you. But that’s not how I saw it. It meant that they were going to experience their mother and I as husband and wife, and as co-parents. I was not replacing their father, they would still have lost of interaction with him. But when they were with us, which was most of the time, I was going to be active in their lives.

Active as a soccer coach, as a chauffer, as a disciplinarian, as a parent.

I grew up in a “do as I say, not as I do” sort of way. My dad was a great provider, a gentle man, and a good friend to have. I was taught to never curse, though there was plenty of cursing to learn from. I was also taught to respect alcohol and the laws regarding it, and never had a drink before I was old enough. But I saw a lot of drinking, a lot more than I know my friends saw.

The one most critical thing I learned was this: If I was going to hold my children accountable for NEVER drinking and driving, then I had to display that same level of behavior.

Most people who drink any alcohol will not have any issues with having a drink or two and then driving. But how do you explain to kids, who may or may not choose to experiment with alcohol at some point, how to know if you are too impaired to drive? My answer was that the only allowable amount was none. No drinks when driving.  If the family was out to dinner together, I would have water or iced tea.

But if we were home on a Saturday night and I wanted to have a couple of beers or some red wine, I had no problem drinking in front of the kids. And I would tell them this: If you or your friends ever decide to try alcohol, you need to promise me that you will not drive or get in the car of someone who was drinking. No matter the quantity. When you are old enough to drink, drink safe, at home.

Did my kids wait until they were legally old enough to drink? Not all of them. But, I do know they learned to drink responsibly.

How about you? Are you conscious of the training you are providing your children in this critical area?

1. The obvious thing – sunblock. You don’t have to be a global warming fanatic to know about the potential damage of your skin due to sun exposure. Use sunblock liberally and frequently. Grease stains are easier to get out than cancers.
2. Eye protection is underrated. Sunglasses can ease significant stress on the eyes, and prevent wear and tear on all the little eye-parts that many of us take for granted.
3. Consume liquids. I saw this being followed, but maybe water to beer in a two-to-one ratio would be a little better. Too much alcohol is a compounding problem – you may get dehydrated and you may also forget item #1 above.

I saw a number of people today neglecting 1, 2, or all 3 of these rules.  You don’t want to be one of them later today. Ouch!

Thanks, and let’s be careful out there.

Anna at abdpbt is responsible for the effort to Fight Listless Mondays. Find other list links on her blog. Her lists and the others linked there always give you something to think about, and may even make you smile!

If he had fallen a little bit to one side or other of the roots, he may have been bruised but OK. Bad luck was hitting the roots, bad choice was trying to reach too far. We should have gotten down and moved the ladder to where we needed it to be. I think of this every year when I get out the big ladder to do my Christmas lights.

Anyway, there are a few moments of personal safety that I would like back. None of them had serious consequences, but the outcomes could have been much worse. I can’t be lucky forever!

1. When Mikey Franco encouraged me to take the short-cut path down the hill to the valley by my childhood home. I tumbled, rolled, and screamed, and in the end I had a few scratches and bruises. It was not a short fall. It could have killed me.
2. When I drove my VW hatchback into the side of another car that had spun out on the freeway in a snowstorm. By the time I saw the other car, the best I could do is try and steer between the car and the guardrail, but steering wasn’t really working. I was driving too fast for the weather. Seatbelts saved my life.
3. When I was installing some new equipment early in the engineering part of my career. Long hours and frequent changes to machine adjustment led me to reach in where I shouldn’t have. I walked away with a contusion, and I’ve seen others lose fingers doing the same thing.
4. Driving in another snowstorm 10 years later because we had tickets to see a play in Schenectady. Nothing happened. It was just stupid.
5. Driving after alcohol consumption. I did it, more than a few times. But one time in particular I’d like to have back. Not because of anything that happened, but when you don’t remember how you got home, and you realize you drove, that’s just wrong. That was over 30 years ago and taught me a lot.
6. Oh yeah, and the time I picked up the hot end of a just-burned-out sparkler. You never do THAT twice, but wish you had never done it in the first place.

All things considered, I’ve been pretty lucky when I’ve made bad choices. How about you? Any do-overs?

Thanks, and let’s be careful out there.

Anna at abdpbt is responsible for the effort to Fight Listless Mondays. Find other list links on her blog. Her lists and the others linked there always give you something to think about, and may even make you smile!

So today’s run was 7 miles, and it’s the first time I’ve been out that long for months. I’ve got a long way to go to be ready for this late-January event, but if I follow the training I will do well.

I ended up with a fair amount of walking breaks today, and it was a good day to just see where my thoughts would take me. They took me to my Dad. He’s been gone for 15 years now, but still with me in so many ways. Since I worked in his factory through college, I’d like to think I got a lot of ideas for safety from him. Truthfully, I got a ton of ideas about life from him. Here are a few that I remembered today.

1. Too much of any one thing is not good for you. That’s so right about so many things. Too much food, too much exercise, too much work, to much play, too much money.  If you have enough that you can say it’s too much, it’s time to course correct somehow. If you happen to be in the “too much money” category, I might have a few ideas to help you out!
2. Be Careful. It was always the last thing he or my Mom said when we left the house. Whether we were teens early in our driving careers or adults visiting from wherever we lived at the time.
3. If we were all the same, we’d all be the same. He really said that, and it has stuck with me. I’m very involved with the diversity and inclusion efforts where I work, and this phrase makes me smile whenever I think of it.
4. Do as I say, not as I do. I think I only actually heard him say this once, but it was implied, especially in regard to swearing.
5. It’s just as easy to like a girl from the west side as it is to like a girl who is from the east side. I grew up in Cleveland, in the western suburbs, and ended up dating a girl who lived in an eastern suburb. It wasn’t a background issue, just a practicality of driving issue. I think I’m even more practical than him – I’ve told my boys that it’s just as easy to fall in love with a rich girl.
6. That’s enough for now. Good advice, and sort of goes with #1. We usually heard this after an afternoon of water skiing when he drove the boat. It’s also good advice for this post!

Do any of your parent’s sayings stay with you today?

And you know mine – Let’s be careful out there!

Anna at abdpbt is responsible for the effort to Fight Listless Mondays. Find other list links on her blog. Her lists and the others linked there always give you something to think about, and may even make you smile!

With weddings comes travel and many celebrations. This week alone has had trips to the airport, gatherings for meals with relatives and members of the bridal party, and general errand running.

It’s sometimes hard to remember that each day is an average day for everyone else, and that the importance of what you are doing to prepare for a celebration is something others are generally not aware of. I could get frustrated by the lack of cooperation in traffic, or I could just take it easy and realize that worry and anger will not get me to my destination faster. And certainly not safer.

As we approach these last few days, I have reminded the young people involved to take extra precautions. Use designated drivers. Don’t get so caught up in the fun of the moment that you forget to stay grounded.

I’m excited about the next few days. I have family in town, as does my wife. We are thrilled that our son has found a soulmate. But each day, without being a bore to others, I will take the time to look at what’s happening and identify anything that we could be doing to assure just a little more safety for all concerned.

How about you? Do you take personal safety in daily activities for granted? Can you make anything you do just a little bit safer?

Let’s be careful out there.